Under Pressure

I always knew I'd have to pay for all the mean things I did or said to my mom when I was a teenager. I just did not know that the time would come so soon. It is inevitable with three girls at home to have total drama overload. For some reason though I always hoped it wouldn't be as hard as it is. I also fully understand that what we have right now is nothing comparing to what will come later.

Last month has been tough. It feels like somebody came and turned my good natured child into a prickly cactus. Emma was by far my easiest child (after she turned two and a half that is). She was always happy to be with me and help me out with anything. She used to be such a pleaser. As long as you cheer her on she's happy to do whatever you ask her to. Always loved to do her homework and play with her sisters.
Suddenly, she stopped liking all this stuff. She stopped being happy and started being grumpy. She whines non stop. Seriously, sometimes I think she forgot how to talk normally and instead she whines. She is becoming annoyed with her sisters more often and tries to pick on fights with them. She stopped being interested in learning and instead she whines for TV. Did I say she whines a lot? As for being a helper and a pleaser, I heard from her this pearl last week:"I am not your servant!" And when I stood there shocked and couldn't come up with anything smart to say I understood she is growing up. It hit me hard and suddenly I felt like crying. I felt like my life is spiraling too fast and is getting out of control. My girl is testing her limits. Those are new real limits. She is going through something and I wish I knew how to find a way to get closer to her instead of letting her get away.

I knew this time would come eventually, but she is only six years old. Does it really start this early? Isn't it supposed to start when she's closer to being a teenager?

This month has been rough. There are days when I feel like I fail as a parent and there are days when I feel like I just stand there and everything else around me moves with the high speed while I am as slow as a snail. I feel like losing control over my kids especially when they gang up against me. I wish I knew what to do and say under pressure. I wish I had a thicker skin. I wish I could learn how to be better. I wish to become a nun learn how to be a cool and fun mom who is being respected by her children. I wish. I wish. I wish. Can somebody tell me how to get there? Anyone?